Okay. I don’t really remember where I left off last. But. I do remember me talking about me and Raina’s dad getting back together or whatever. Well.. thats not working as well as I thought it was going to. This weekend we’re supposed to go to the movies. But. This past weekend. I went to the movies with this guy named Jeremy. And it made me gain feelings for him kind of. At first, he was just another guy who wanted to get with me. You know, I take advantage of him, I didn’t care. But now.. it’s a different story. It’s like, it always starts off like that with the guys I talk to. But I do want to be with him. But then again, I don’t want a boyfriend because I’m not sure at this point I can be completely faithful. But we’re talking. And I like him a lot.

Then Brendan.. um. I don’t know whats going on with us. We met up at the park one night, and stuff happened. I was trying to avoid people knowing. But the whole school knows. I still try to deny it. But who even gives a fuck. I don’t understand why people care so damn much about my life. 

Terrence called me out on Twitter about a week ago. He called me a fuck up. Saying I fuck up everyones life. So. That’s cool. Then the next day, he messaged me saying that he was sorry. And he did it out of anger and jealously. Then tried saying that he still had feelings for me. And I do still have something for him. So, I told him that I did too. The next day, he messaged me saying that it was his friend messaging me. Um. Honey, no. I know it was you. And then since then we haven’t really spoken to each other. I’m tryin’ to tell you, this shit gets so ridiculous.

Raina’s doing just perfect. For Halloween she’s gonna be an Elephant :) Hah, I got it a few weeks ago for her, and I originally had planned to save it for Halloween so it’d be a surprise, but I couldn’t wait any longer, I had to see what it looked like on her. And boy oh boy, it was THE CUTEST thing I’d ever seen in my life.

Lately I’ve been really sad. I’m not exactly sure of a reason why. I’m just not feeling happy. Maybe I’m depressed, I don’t know. I haven’t had thoughts of hurting myself or anything. And I haven’t been like suicidal, I’ve just been in a really down in the dumps mood. I don’t know.

My grades are shit too. Blah… my life just. Sucks.

And to be honest. With everything thats been going on, I don’t even claim myself as any religion now. And I can’t say I believe in anything. It’s gotten just that bad..

Anonymous asked: did you delete your other tumblr..? :'(

nope. lacedtoperfecti0n

Everyone gets tired of the same ole bullshit. But yanno what. I’m just tired period. I wish I could just have a whole day to sleep. But. My mom won’t let that happen. Oh yeah, and neither will Raina. Sometimes I feel like I’m pushed TOO far. Like … I need a break.

secks.

Terrence: Hi
Bye
Haha 

That’s cool.

Yanno, to write more crap and stuff. 

Okay. I don’t really remember where I left off, and i’m not reading my last post before typing this. So.

Me and Terrence broke up, but I’m pretty sure I already wrote about that. Well, when me and him broke up, he ended up dating Cheyenne. Which I knew he was going to eventually, so that part didn’t really hurt my feelings. No just kidding, it did. But that’s beside the point. Terrence hurt me really bad. I really hate to admit that, but yeah. I cried and cried for a little while. I thought we were gonna end up back together, but OBVIOUSLY that didn’t happen. Mhm. Well, school started. The first day of school for me was the 16th. On the 16th, I was going to that school that was just for girls. It was the Family Care Center or some crap like that.

My first day there was okay I guess. The school in general just sucked. There was a total of maybe… 15 girls there? And that was it. All the students. We all had babies. I rode the bus that day. Me and Raina both did. I just didn’t like the school or daycare at all. It was nice that I got to go check on her and visit her during the day, but I was isolated from the world, and that wasn’t very fun. Also at that time, I was still kind of thinking me and Terrence were going to get back together, so I was kind of needing to get back to regular high school. So that afternoon, I convinced my mom to take me up to Dunbar and get me enrolled. We went up to the school the next day, and got me back in the system and what not. I had my schedule made and everything. My schedule was:

A days -

A1: Biology.

A2: World Civ

A3: Geometry

A4: Health

B Days -

B1: Creative Writing

B2: Psychology

B3: Geometry

B4: English

I was pretty content with my schedule, btw. Anyway, the next day I started going there and let me tell ya, I lovedddd it. I missed school so much. I gave everyone hugs, and it was just altogether a good way to start the year.

I had the same lunch as Terrence unfortunately. And.. well.. that was just really awkward. 

Uh. About a week later me and his friend started talking. Brendan. Well talking I guess? He came to my house one night and we made out forever. And then I guess after that night, my feelings for him seemed to kind of change and after that I didn’t really wanna talk anymore. Plus, I know its wrong to begin with, but you know me. I’m an idiot.

So then me and Brendan stopped talking.

I started getting feelings for Damion. One of my best friend since like, 6th grade. And he kept telling me how much he wanted me to take his virginity. I agreed to it at first, but wtf. What do I look like. So at this point, I have no feelings for him. He’s just annoying. How he was whenever we first met. I guess I can truly only see him as a friend. I was trying to get feelings for people just to move on from Terrence. But just so you know, I’m over him now. Well kinda. That’s a different story though and I’ll get to that later.

Let’s see. What else is there.

Um, so there’s this guy named Andre. And I mean, I’ve liked him and had the hugest crush on him since I was in 6th grade. He was going to Bryan Station. But this year he goes to my school. Now see, he has a girlfriend. But again, I’m an idiot and we’ve made out and everything in the mornings at school. Blah. Whatever.

Oh and guess what else? I still don’t have my phone. I’ve been using my mom’s. And tonight I lost her phone, even though I’m pretty sure she picked it up off my bed and hid it. I mean… it can’t just grow legs and then walk away.

Brendan wants to come see me tonight. And I was gonna let him, but I don’t have his number memorized and the phone is “lost” annnnd, he won’t get on Twitter and check his mentions so that he can read where I told him to call my house. Wah. Looks like I’m just gonna go to sleep early tonight. No cakin’ for me.

There’s this guy named Bobby. He’s a freshman. And usually it’s looked down upon if someone messed with a freshman. But I really would talk to him. I mean, he seems kind of quiet, but I want to get to know him, and see how he really is. Like, he’s really cute and the outfits he wears are adorable. They all match every pair of shoes he wears. It’s great. And if I were to talk to him, I’m pretty sure I’d get a lot of shit for it, but I’d just have to get past it and say fuck it. Eventually it would die down.

Thennn, there’s this guy named Teewon. I think I might’ve talked about him before, I don’t know. But I think I like him, maybe. I don’t even know. He’s cute I guess, and he’s always hugging up on me alllll upppp onnnn me. Shit. But I like it. 

I think I just need to leave boys alone because they get me into trouble.

Now when it comes to Terrence. I’ve moved on, but like, I still have SOMETHING for him. Him and Cheyenne did break up recently. But I’m going to just stay away from him and that whole thing. I know how he can be now, and I now I see who he really is. I don’t like that. So… screw him. 

Now for probably the most important part

Raina.

She’s really good :) She’s almost 9 months now, and she crawling, trying to talk, eating baby food, trying to feed herself, she can pull herself up, she’s trying to walk, she can walk in her walker, she’s teething, she goes to daycare, she’s just perfect.

Also, a few days ago, me and Raina went over to his mom’s house with him. He told her finally that Raina was his. His mom is a sweetheart and she said that she’d always be here for me. She said she’d babysit if I needed her too. She’s just great. She told Daniel that she really likes me now, she thinks I’m pretty, and that she’ll be here for me. Me and Daniel are getting closer.

I still love him. I’m still in love with him. And I told him this. I asked him if he had something still there for me at all, and he said yes. However, he’s still with his girlfriend. It really sucks, but I want to wait for him. I know, i shouldn’t be waiting around for any guy. But I love him. So much. And I miss him. If you look at reasons why we should be together, and then compare them to the reasons we shouldn’t be together.. you’ll ask yourself why the hell we aren’t together. I don’t want to be selfish. But look.. We have a child, we’ve had something for each other since 2009, we’ve been through everything together. There’s an age difference, but at this point, I think it’s only fair that we’re accepted to be together. It’d be even better for Raina. We’d be a family. And I think the 3 of us deserve that much. and to be happy.

But on another note, everything is coming together and this time, I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep it together. I’m done fucking around. I’m doing my best to make a good future for me and Raina. I’m waiting for the guy I love. I don’t care what anyone has to say about it anymore. I’m doing what I think is best and I’m doing whats going to pay off in the long run.

And all of Terrence’s friends are kind of “on me.” It’s weird. I don’t know. I mean, maybe I’m exaggerating. But one of his best friends is trying to “talk” to me. And I’m not gonna lie about it, I’m kind of attracted to him. And he’s a sweetheart, we have amazing conversations too. It’s just last night, I told him if Terrence didn’t have a problem with us talking then we could. So he’s probably gonna ask him about it and then he’s gonna get mad and then Terrence will probably raise hell with me. They get out at 3:15. I expect a phone call from him and he will probably yell at me just for the simple fact that he doesn’t want me talking to anyone else, especially his best friend. But how is that fair when he talks to me like shit and kisses a different girl every day of his life? It’s not fair at all. But I really don’t need him hating me, so I’m just gonna see where this whole situation takes me and go with it.